Transient Dreams

[EDIT] 31 May 2004, Monday, 07:05:49 PM Hao! I’m genki, genki, genki! I took my essay-writing exam this morning and even though my mind was in slow mode, I think it was good enough so I don’t have to take an extra course at the English Lab. Then we had a quiz in Chemistry. Pfft! I made one mistake. So… yay! Well, I have to go and organize my report for Experimental Psychology tomorrow. If you need to contact me during the week, I’m on SMS. [/EDIT]

I still remember you said, “there’s no eternity here“
as you watched them all pass away with sorrowful eyes.
“There’s not a soul alive who would ride in a car without a break.”

[College] I now know how I’m going to feel by the end of each week: mentally and physically exhausted. Technically, I don’t have a day off from school. I have three-hour laboratory courses (Experimental Psychology and Chemistry) thrice a week, ROTC on Saturdays, and Parish Involvement on Sundays. During the first week of classes, I’ve already had to work on three assignments and take a reading comprehension exam. Tomorrow (Monday), we have to take an essay exam. But yeah, I’m having fun. I like being busy AND I like most of my professors. And I’ve discovered something! I am becoming more of an ambivert. I still don’t know whether that’s a good thing or not.

[Life] I guess you could say I am getting enough sleep but when I wake up in the morning, I don’t feel rested. In fact, I feel even more tired than I was the night before. I go to school and I’m more attentive than I ever was last term. I go home, read my notes (When have I ever been known to do that long BEFORE exams?!), work on whatever was assigned for that day (I am no longer a procrastinator) and then towards the evening, I start feeling lonely (Don’t ask me why. I don’t know). I miss my cheerful self.

[Midheaven] Don’t expect major updates here for the next three months. No layout changes, too. Gomen!

[Q&A]
Alice Fortuna: Hey, Fatima! Remember me? Anyway, I’m sorry I’ve haven’t spoken to you in… forever! Hahaha! Anyway, just wondering if you’d like to exchange links with my domain, faery-silver.net. I added your button on my site, so just let me know what you think, okay? Thanks!
Of course I remember you!!! And I’d love to exchange links with you. *huggles* Just send me your button m’kay?! Arigato!
SAM: FATIMA! ITS ME SAM,1 IM BACK!!!!!!!!!
Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam! You’re back!!! I’ve missed you soooooooooooo much!!! How come you never IM’d me?! *sob.

[Quote] “Life is short. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them…“

[College] I was just thinking… If the moon didn’t exist, we’d have shorter days. A full day would probably last for only ten hours, give or take a couple of hours considering the fact that the Earth would spin much faster on its axis without the moon’s gravity to influence the ebb and flow of the tides. I wonder… how long would we have to stay in school if that was the case? …I’m feeling panicky. I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow! If I say that I’ve come to terms with my boredom, can I just stay home?!

[Random] I’ve been chatting with Je everyday for a while now and I’m really going to miss our conversations. Tameiki wako boreta… I’ve been sending her quotes from Dawson’s Creek even though we never really watched the series. We’re just wondering how they come up with such great lines. Angsty, but nonetheless wonderful.

Jen Lindley: “What are you scared of?”
Jack McPhee: “I’m scared that I’m gonna end up alone. I’m scared that I’m always gonna be someone’s friend, or brother, or confidant but never quite… someone’s everything. Mostly I’m scared that I’m never gonna meet a guy that I love as much as I love you.”

And here’s a quote from Felicity:
Sally: “Love is complicated – full of sacrifice and compromise. But maybe that’s the best part.”

Which brings me back to something Gwen said to Dawson.
Aunt Gwen: “When my time is up, I want to know that I did one thing well: loved somebody. The rest is just an expression of that one thing…”

And Dawson describing heartbreak.
Dawson Leery: “It’s agony. Complete, excruciating agony. It’s like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can’t breathe… you don’t want to eat… you can’t function. It’s the most intense pain that you’ll ever feel, and the worst part is, there’s no way to relieve it. It’s unyielding, merciless torture, and you know that it’s yours for life.”

And a conversation between Dawson and Joey.
Dawson Leery: “But what good is their love if it’s not strong enough to overcome those circumstances?”
Joey Potter: “Because in spite of the circumstances… they never stop loving.”

*sigh… It’s the best feeling in the world… Loving to the tips of your fingers. No matter how much you’re hurting, a single moment of happiness with that person affects your whole being. No matter how many times other people disappoint you, you’ll always have someone to share the pain with, someone you’ll always be able to come home to. You’re inextricably bound to him. *sigh… Having Rex in my life makes everything worthwhile. He’ll always be the best part of my existence… and the biggest reason why I love being me! :blush:

[College] I’m going back to school in two days! I kind of like the fact that I’m going to be swamped with schoolwork again. I’ve been doing NOTHING for a month and I came down with a dreadful case of the doldrums. Right now, I’m just worried about the… oh, maybe thousands of brain cells that got murdered while my brain was in complete hibernation mode.

Surprise, surprise! I actually have something really interesting to blog about today… I met up with M-Rize at McDonald’s. I’ve been craving for a Sausage McMuffin since the last day of my Finals. She and I talked for a while… Then we got soaked by the rain when we went to the ROTC office to get my course card. Who would’ve thought the rain would start pouring the minute we stepped into the office?! I felt icky the whole time we were in line for enrollment. It took us almost three hours! Gah! Patience will never be one of my virtues. I half-wanted to hit the guard who handed me my receipt when he asked me for my ID no. I was about to say, “Mind your own damn business!” I wanted to go straight home! I hate being outside when it’s raining. I know, I know. I LOVE RAIN. I just don’t want to get caught in it.

Anyway, here’s a list of the people I saw today and why they made my freshman year at DLSU memorable. Listed in order of appearance. Actually, it’s more like the order I remember them.

{1} M-Rize. One of the people who tried to keep me sane during the bouts of craziness I had last term.

{2} Ivan. (Future II) He was… uhm… a genius… to the point of being incredibly weird. [Isa sa mga *ahem* boys ni BJ!]

{3} Alex. My Jap friend. I vaguely heard her saying her mom was insane. I forgot to ask her why. I think they were talking about course adjustment…?

{4} Ate Gay. I have no idea what her real name is. She’s the most annoying person in the model platoon (ROTC).

{5} Joana. I fondly call her Chona and I pay for that every time we see each other in campus but today I got off easy. I’m not sporting any bruises. She seemed really out of it and forgot to give me one.

{6} Japoy. The commercial model we see around campus a lot. He’s beautiful… he has very delicate features and you should see his hair! He seems much too fragile that sometimes M-Rize and I think that he should’ve been a porcelain doll.

{7} Icy. My mommy! The blockmate I always hang out with. We have the same schedule next term! I think that says enough. I really enjoy her company.

{8} Louie. My adoptive father. LOL. He’s Icy’s… uh… husband. shhh! We’re one, big, happy family! Icy + Louie = Garie, M-Rize, me, and Ria!

{9} Bernard. (GenPsyc Boy) My very funny seatmate last term. He and Philip are practically inseparable. [Ang dami naming kalokohan pag GenPsyc!]

{10} Elliot. (Future I) [Asawa daw ni BJ! Ang pinakamatinding henyo sa lahat!]

{11} Sir Jimmy Yau. Our ROTC Corps Commander who made getting up to go to school on Saturdays worth it. [Bagong haircut!]

{12} Varian. (Mocc) Pia-chan’s (and Toni’s too, I think) crush during midshipman orientation.

{13} Shaun. (Robert) An old classmate. I’m not sure what to call… uh, him… her…?! But these days… HE looks more like a girl so… there. Come to think of it, when I met him, he already looked like a girl. I even thought he really was a girl. Until Mike pointed out that she was actually a he!

{14} Jaytee. (Initials But Not Really – yep, that was him!) Remember him? He was the guy I had a crush on for a while during the second term. I saw him at McDo! I think today was the first time I ever saw him wearing a red shirt. He’s always wearing either blue or orange.

{15} Kevin. (Future III) He made General Psychology even more interesting that it already was. He would make a great subject for testing.

I think I may have forgotten a few people… But that’s okay. I’ve had enough laughs for today.

[Q&A]
Anonymous: Hello, are you proud being filipino? Do yo like bamboo’s song noypi?!
Yes… Sometimes I am proud of being a Filipino. Hmm… I hear that song all the time!

[Quote] “Laughter is the best medicine.“
I agree! I agree! See?! I’ve been cured! I’m no longer feeling crappy. I think I was really bitchy yesterday – no wonder they were kind of quiet around me… But believe me, most of the time I’m pretty harmless.

[Laruku] Pia-chan got me hooked on L’Arc~en~Ciel’s new songs! :D Want to download their new album? Contact me.

This is my current favorite! It’s making me genki! So yeah, I’ll just put up a photolog instead of blogging about the trip. Sorry! Lazy is my middle name. But that’s about to change! The new term starts on Monday…

Artist: L’Arc~en~Ciel
Title: Feeling Fine
Words: Hyde
Music: Ken

Are you feeling fine?
On sleepless nights, visions of you…
She said, “Loving you made me happy everyday”
Don’t talk to me, with a face as innocent as it was back then.

Even if we’re connected, I think maybe I knew from the start
It’s a thing of the distant past, taught me what it meant to say goodbye.

When will I be able to cut this thread, and get over you? (*1)

Are you feeling fine?
Rather than a goodbye in the midst of this long journey
She said, “Loving you made me happy everyday”
The world turns as if nothing happened, leaving me behind

Limitless freedom… I’ve got so much time
I don’t know what to do with it
Even if I shut it in those sunny days, I’m free but…

I reach out my arms, to open the door,
though I’d just about forgotten…

Are you feeling fine?
On sleepless nights, visions of you…
She said, “Loving you made me happy everyday”
Don’t talk to me, with a face as innocent as it was back then.

A warmth, slightly, somewhere… you…

I’m sure now, oblivious to it all, you’re in a dream

Are you feeling fine?
I’ll stop my futile resistance, and head to tomorrow
I said, “Loving you made me happy everyday”
All of a sudden, I’ve fallen asleep and you’re gone
With a smile… (*2)

Translated By: Brian Stewart & Takako Sakuma

Translator’s Notes: I like the lyrics to this one. It’s like the singer is prisoner to his memories of a distant love who never gave him closure. *!

* 1 – In Japan it is said that the destiny of lovers’ is tied by a red string around the pinky finger of one lover to another. In this case the singer wants to cut this string in essence freeing themselves.

* 2 – We can’t decide if Hyde means that the singer falls asleep smiling, or the “you” who disappears does so with a smile still on her face. It’s probably the latter but a good case can be made for the former.
Source: Centigrade-J

[Baguio + Subic] I got back from the trip to Baguio and Subic last Friday. I had a lot of fun! But I kept missing my shujin… It was freezing in Baguio. We stayed there for three days and two nights. We went to Mines View Park, the Botanical Garden, and Wright Park where Tita Dulce, Leia, and Bennyppe went horseback riding. Thursday morning, we packed up and went to Subic.

More about the trip later… I want to get off the computer as soon as possible. I’ll post the rest of the pics later too!

[Spellbinding] Rashel’s domain will expire in a few weeks but she’ll be getting a new one so SB’s reopening has been postponed. Not to worry, it’ll be up by June!

[Quote] “Novels are often simply the question without the answer.“
I guess it’s true. Most of the time when you finish reading a novel, you end up with more questions than you started with. And they NEVER get answered. The stories are usually open-ended and you never know what happened with the characters after reading the book…