Transient Dreams

[Life] I feel like such a nuisance. Sometimes I think that things around here wouldn’t really change much without me. It’s not that I feel insignificant..well, maybe I do – but only when I’m here. I feel like a door coming off its hinges.

I’m becoming pessimistic and paranoid..again. It’s like having visions of a never-ending sunset. Don’t get me wrong, I love sunsets..but I’ve always found sunrises more beautiful, infinitely breathtaking. And as much as I love moonwatching, I can’t imagine a life without mornings.

It’s not even November yet (I’m never going to like that month). If Elein could read this now, she might say (or rather, sing), “nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain…”

[Quote] “If we could take the time to lay it on the line… I could rest my head, just knowin’ that you were mine, all mine… So if you want to love me, then darlin’ don’t refrain… or I’ll just end up walkin’ in the cold November rain…” ~November Rain by Guns N’ Roses

08 September 2005, Thursday
10:22:44 PM GMT+8
(the time offset got messed up due to the server move)

[Life] I haven’t really felt like blogging. Most of the time, I’m incredibly happy. I can’t put it into words… Other times, like tonight, I feel sad. My grandfather’s condition is getting worse. My mom is crying again. *sigh… I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cry while he’s still alive. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to cry when he’s gone. I’m trying to get used to the idea that I might not be able to talk to him or hold his hand again. No one will ever call me Fam again. He’s the only one who laughed at my stubbornness. He never thought I was being disrespectful when I chose to keep to myself. He understood why I stayed away while my cousins flocked around him. And he never believed anything anyone said against me. I guess, somehow, he knew me.

I can’t stay sad for long though. I’m just so happy. It’s hard to contain it. ^_^

[Midheaven] I really need to add a new disclaimer for this site. Mental note: I have to upload it before I go home (to the dorm, I mean).

[Quote] “Why go up there when people are dying to get down here?” ~Elder Gutknecht, Corpse Bride (2005)

[Midheaven] Yay!!! NEW LAYOUT!!! After almost one year… O_O *whew. This layout change is long-overdue. I haven’t really updated the site but I’ll do as much as I can before the new term starts.

[Life] I’m happy. HaPpY. HAPPY! hehehe. I’ll blog more later… I can’t organize my thoughts.

[Quote] “I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.” ~Noah Calhoun, The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks