Transient Dreams

Well, you guessed it. I haven’t been in the mood to blog.

*sigh… I’ve been crying on and off. I’m having a hard time coping with the stuff that’s been happening in my life. Sometimes I feel like it’s more than I can bear. But they always tell me that God wouldn’t give us something we can’t handle. Maybe that’s true. But right now… I just want to crawl under my blankets, hug my pillows, and sleep until there’s nothing left to cry over.

My grandmother’s doctor wouldn’t let her travel. She didn’t get to come home for the funeral. I was a bit..shocked (I was trying to find a word that was a little less strong) by how fast it all went. Maybe that’s because I was only able to go to the wake once. To tell the truth, the times I cried, I wasn’t just crying because we lost him. I was crying for other things..people..I’ve lost..and things I’m losing. I can’t delve deeper into this yet. It hurts too much.

I might start posting password-protected entries. I will send the password to people I trust (online and offline). Otherwise, contact me (email, IM, SMS, sign my guestbook, etc.) and request it. Don’t worry if you can’t read the protected entries because they will mostly be about the same things in the public entries but with more details. So if you can’t understand something I’ve posted, you’ll probably find more info about it in the protected entries.

I went to see X-Men: The Last Stand with my sister last Sunday. I loved it! To those of you haven’t seen it yet, be sure to stay until the credits finish rolling. For those of you who’ve seen it but didn’t stay until the end..hehe.

What else has been happening… Hmmn… I’ll be moving back to the dorm on Monday. And I’m going to start job-hunting (for my Practicum/OJT) soon… The girls (two of my closest college friends who are also my dormmates) are sleeping over this Friday – that’s something to look forward to.

Anyway, I’ll post more when I can.

Love’s Light by Vertical Horizon

I’m really happy with my new laptop. ^_^ It works beautifully. :D I love all the features… I even like the color! Even though I was never that fond of orange. hehe.

Other than that, there’s really nothing to be happy about. My grandmother’s finally coming home to the Philippines, after more than ten years..but the reason she’s coming home…*sigh… Her brother passed away this morning. I’ve missed my grandma so much but I wish she was coming home under better circumstances… Her brother..I have very fond memories of him. I remember how he used to drive me to school when I was still in preschool. Once, he even drove me to school when there was a typhoon because no one could convince me that I didn’t have to go to school that day.

My mom..she’s still grieving for my grandfather and sometimes it just breaks my heart to see her crying. I know this will be even harder because her uncle is the third relative who passed away this week…

I can’t think straight. I haven’t really..grieved yet. I don’t know how. I’m trying not to sink into despair..things haven’t been that good these past two months (except for school – I made the Dean’s List).

School… Well, my first day back was okay. It was great seeing my friends again. My professors seem pretty nice. I just wish they’d tell us how to go about the practicum already. >_< I’m a bit anxious about it. I don’t know what to expect.

Some things I forgot to blog about: First, I had my eyes checked again. I don’t need to get new lenses so I just got new frames. They’re a nice shade of metallic red – a bit pale but darker than old rose. Second, I got my molars filled. All eight of them! Argh. Serves me right for not going to the dentist for almost two years (except for check-ups). I just got so busy… Well, it’s nothing serious – small cavities. My teeth are in fine condition – my dentist just wanted to prevent future problems. *grins*

My last term in college starts tomorrow… I’m not sure whether I’m sad or excited about it. I still don’t think I’m ready for the real world. I don’t know what’s going to happen with my life after I graduate.

Anyway, I’m going to get my new laptop tomorrow after school! I’ll be getting the Toshiba Satellite M100-P345 because there are no more available units of the A100. Oh well. It’s okay..they’re almost twins. At least I have something to look forward to. ^_^

I can’t wait for tomorrow!

I’ll return comments once I get everything installed… I already got the OS upgraded – I just need to install/transfer the rest of the softwares and the files I need.

My dad and I went to Tricom (the exclusive Philippine distributor of Toshiba) yesterday to look at laptops. We ran into his old classmate from Ateneo who turned out to be the sales supervisor – he’ll be giving us a discount! Yay! My heart is set on the Toshiba Satellite A100-P545. My dad was ready to pay for it yesterday but they didn’t have any units in stock. They’re pulling out three units from Cagayan de Oro and one of them will be mine if no else reserved them. Pfft! I told my dad to have it reserved way back but he didn’t listen! Gaaaaah! It’s so hard to work on my dad’s old laptop..we have to share it until he can buy us both new laptops because my desktop’s broken. He’s thinking of buying the Toshiba Tecra M5 for himself. I’m so excited! It’ll be nice to have a computer all to myself again. I won’t have to worry about losing files anymore! And the A100 is equipped with fingerprint sensor technology!

After that, we went to SM Megamall to look at the other laptops. We found the M100 equivalent of the A100 that I decided on. ^_^ It’s lighter at 2.26kg but the screen is smaller and the clockspeed’s a bit lower. But I think he really wants the Tecra M5.

We walked around for a while and my dad saw some pianos. There was a beautiful second-hand Beckstein that my mom and I fell in love with. *sigh… I really miss playing the piano. I played the chorus of Fly Me to the Moon but the owner of the shop went out and I got shy.

And now to my favorite topic. BOOKS. I’m reading Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas by James Patterson. It’s not as good as I thought it would be. But it’s my fault, too. I was expecting it to be something like The Notebook. But there’s only one Nicholas Sparks.

“I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I’ve led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.“

But the truth is, I don’t need Nicholas Sparks to know how good love can be. I only have to think of him and I know that love really does exist. I think what I really need to read is P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern (again). If you don’t know why, I suggest you read it for yourself.

Now I need to go and get ready for school – yes, school – I have to enroll today. School starts on Monday. I can’t believe I have only three months left of college! I’m graduating… *sigh… I don’t think I’m ready.

I’ll return comments later! Thanks guys! I’m so glad to be back online!

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Hihi… I installed Alex King’s Smilies plugin. I’m using the smilies from my old Greymatter blog.

I’ve been trying to contact my old dailies so I searched all the comments in my old blog and checked the commenters’ sites. I found a lot of dead links… It’s such a shame. Many of them were great web designers and had such interesting blogs. Anyway, I decided to read through my posts from the past year. I felt like I was reading someone else’s blog. I still have the same opinion on most of the things I talked about but..I didn’t recognize my voice. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t write for so long. If you’d like to read my old entries, you can find them here.

*sigh… My nine-year old cousin/goddaughter keeps reading over my shoulder. I keep telling her that it’s rude but she seems to think it’s funny. She only stops because she’s afraid of me. She has seen me get really angry. Hehe.. Good thing she doesn’t know that I really love kids. I try not to show it because she might become incredibly spoiled and bratty.

Okay, my siblings and I are very curious about The Lake House (starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock). I think I remember an old movie with a similar plot. If I remember correctly, the man and the woman exchanged letters by placing them in a bureau. The letters were sent back and forth, across centuries(?). If anyone knows this movie, please leave me a comment. I’ll be really grateful for the info. ^_^

Anyway, about The Lake House… I just can’t reconcile the fact that they’re living two years apart with the chances of them meeting each other even if they wait for each other at the exact same spot… I can’t explain it. It’s just so implausible… Although that possibility has crossed my mind before..it’s hard to digest. It gives you the idea that time overlaps. That maybe, some of the people we meet actually live in another time but not necessarily a different place. Wouldn’t that be chaotic? But then, that might explain how we can meet someone and never see them again..or run into someone everyday but never really notice them. Hmmn.

I finished reading W.i.t.c.h. earlier – gaaaah! My cousin only left Issues 1-42 with me – I bought the 3 most recent issues for her but she’s still reading them – and she doesn’t have Issues 37-39. I want to know what happened to the Oracle! I really must find back issues of the series and start collecting them myself. And I really want to have the Cornelia & Caleb Special Issue. I guess..their story is something I can relate to. Argh! WHY didn’t I keep track of the series when I bought the first issue?!

CORNELIA & CALEB: THE BEGINNING OF A DREAM…

Cornelia:
In a soap bubble, lightly floating towards infinity. That is where I would like to be, so I wouldn’t be bound to hear a thing.
To lose myself into oblivion and to avoid regretting a fading past that, with all my being, I’d like to be my present and my future. It would almost be funny if it didn’t hurt so much, don’t you think?
To think that I, a girl with powers over earth, would dream of losing myself in nothingness.
Here I am writing the most difficult letter I’ve ever had to write, not knowing if I’d have the courage to mail it to you. That is exactly what I was missing: courage!
Do you remember our very first encounter in Meridian? There was so much sweetness in your embrace. You uttered, “You’re safe now!” I would like to hear you say those words again, with the same certainty. If only, for the last time, I could lose myself in the warmth of your embrace…

Caleb:
Cold. So cold. My body and my heart shiver from the cold. I would have never imagined I’d feel so much! I miss you and I cannot tell you. Worst of all,
I cannot tell myself.
Why, why shouldn’t I feel these emotions?
Solitude makes me feel a deaf pain that not even the things in my past can soothe.
And whenever other feelings arise, like rage, I cannot find peace and I ask myself why US, why THIS WAY, why NEVER again.
“You made that choice alone!
Nobody asked me anything.”
You told me this with tears in your eyes. Now, if only I could convince myself that I was reasonable. If only I could silence the doubts that crowd my mind. If only, for one more time,
I could lose myself in the heaven of your eyes…

*sigh…