There are things we regret - words we wish had gone unsaid, starts that had bitter endings, chances we threw away, roads we should have never taken, signs we didn’t see, hearts we hurt needlessly, and wounds we wish we could mend. But life gets that much harder, the past can’t be rewritten but it can make you stronger. Be thankful for every change life has thrown you, for every scar. Some pages were turned, some bridges were crossed, but you had lessons learned.

~Unknown

*sigh… It’s been a long week.

Wondering where I’ve been? hehe. I’ve been updating pages here and there. Mostly on Moonlight Reverie. And I’ve finally set up a new blog but it’s not going to be private. I’ll be co-authoring it with my best friend, Beh and my sister, Peewee. It started off as a “blog” just for me and Beh but my sister wanted to join in so… We’ll see. It’s basically just going to be “life lessons” ..things we’ve learned and stuff. Beh and I often have these convoluted conversations and we thought it’d be good to document them somehow. Then I got the chance to chat with an old high school friend of ours last night (or should I say, this morning?) and I realized that we might actually be able to help other people cope with problems or life in general just by sharing our thoughts.

So there… Why don’t you guys come and visit us at ANECDOTAGE? Feel free to leave a comment. Some of the pages aren’t finished yet - please bear with us. Things should pick up once my best friend and my sister start blogging too. Right now, there’s only one “real” post. Oh, and maybe you guys could suggest topics? Then one of us will share our thoughts and maybe give some advice or something like that.

I’m getting more and more anxious. I’m scared of not being able to go back to school - some people might say I don’t really need to go back… But I’m doing this for me. I need to do this for me. Nin told me that I need to be practical and I know he means well - he doesn’t want me to end up like his uncle who is now forty-years old and is still earning the salary of an entry-level employee. I told him that I just didn’t want to compromise myself. I want to do what I really love. Most of the people who’ve known me for more than five years have an idea of how practical I really am but if this is being impractical, then so be it. I’m not sure he truly understands how I feel. He says I just don’t want to take risks. But aren’t I already taking a risk? I could be working already..instead, I’m putting all of my efforts on another, completely different career. I feel like I’m finally taking a leap…like I’m finally doing something for myself.

I’ve just realized how people can change so much in such a short span of time. One of the guys I used to love - emphasis on used to - well..he’s not the person I thought he was. But then, neither am I. Anyway… I told him that I won’t let him cheat with me. He says that he tried to fight his feelings but I’m not sure he actually did. I kept pushing him away but he just kept on. I don’t know. It’s sad because we just became friends again. Now things are awkward again. I wish we could start with a clean slate. I really don’t want to get involved with him. I’ve been trying to avoid him. Believe me, it’s incredibly difficult. He comes over at our house all the time because he’s friends with my whole family. It’s hard to even dodge his phone calls because even if I tell everyone here to tell anyone who asks for me that I’m asleep, they call me when it’s him on the phone. Ack! I don’t want to see him right now. He wants to talk to “clarify things” but what else is there to talk about? The truth is, I don’t trust him now. I’m not sure if I can trust him again. He kissed me even when I tried to stop him. I reminded him that he has a girlfriend but he still tried to kiss me..AGAIN. That’s not all that happened but I won’t go into details. It was my fault too. I should’ve done my best to avoid him when he was here. Okay, we have a history. But cheating is cheating. There’s no excuse for it. And he wasn’t even drunk! I feel sorry for his girlfriend. What kills me is that I know I’ll never be able to see him as the good friend he once was to me. All he proved to me is that he is capable of cheating… Just like most of the guys I know. And in the end, that makes him just like them. He opened my eyes. He was never the guy for me.

Chau, oh, I haven’t tried that yet! BTW, I just read the email you sent me about the fanlisting - I’m sorry, I just haven’t had the time to work it out. Um, maybe you could help me with that? I’m not sure what to do. Regarding financial aid, I checked the scholarship grants offered by the college and I’m not eligible - they’re mostly for freshmen applicants. Oh, and I hope you’re right about my cousin! I’m still a bit worried. Snez, eep! You should have taken that four-leaf clover! I haven’t found a real one… Hmmn… I think I’ll include that in the things I want to do before I die - Find a four-leaf clover! Trixie, I’m not really sure about that. I used to say that I would never get married for reasons other than love but over the years, my opinion on marriage has changed a LOT. I’ve learned that love fades…and sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, it just isn’t enough. Cherrie Asakura, I didn’t see a leprechaun. Did you? Lucky you!! Oh, you should take those short courses at Informatics! I was planning to enroll there but my friends told me that a bachelor’s degree would be better if I really want to pursue a career in that field. Amy, thank you dear! Oh…I think I’ve been eating too much lately. I might be getting fat - haha. I dunno. I don’t want to make a habit of weighing myself because I don’t want to become obsessed about my weight or figure. And you’re right. I think my cousin and I think the same way about marriage so she probably didn’t think that. hehe. Felicity… Gaaah! I can’t wait to watch Season 4! Vera, thank you! haha, you’re right! My layout does match the occasion (St. Patrick’s Day)! Oh, you love J. R. R. Tolkien too? BTW, I’ll probably hold off on the private blog for a while but I’ll definitely let you know once it’s up!

Hmmn… LOVE. So many definitions for a four-letter word.

There are things we regret - words we wish had gone unsaid, starts that had bitter endings, chances we threw away, roads we should have never taken, signs we didn’t see, hearts we hurt needlessly, and wounds we wish we could mend. But life gets that much harder, the past can’t be rewritten but it can make you stronger. Be thankful for every change life has thrown you, for every scar. Some pages were turned, some bridges were crossed, but you had lessons learned. ~Unknown

He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom.

~Gandalf, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
by J. R. R. Tolkien

Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone! I can’t find my four-leaf clover! (hehe..I’m referring to a holiday card from my grandmother, I used to wish on it when I was little). This is the day when we all get to be Irish! LOL. But technically, St. Patrick’s Day is over - we’re a day ahead, GMT+8. But it’s still the 17th in Ireland right?

Hehe, I just realized that I haven’t blogged for two weeks now. Sorry about that! I’ve been busy agonizing about the not-so-good as well as the great stuff that’s been going on in my life lately…AND I’ve been playing online TCGs. There’s a new link next to “The Pursuit of Happiness,” Connoisseur, my TCG Trading Post. PLUG: Hunters Inc, a Supernatural TCG. Please don’t forget to say Fatima referred you!

BTW, Monica and I are planning on creating a TCG Awards Site. I’ll let you guys know once we’ve started working on it - in case any of you own/run a TCG or plan to open one. (*Note: Monica is the owner of The Grey Havens, a Lord of the Rings TCG.

As you all probably know, I took the entrance exam yesterday! It was okay. I did very well on most of the subtests except for the two Math parts. I’ve forgotten how to solve some of the problems so I only managed to answer about half of the questions on both subtests. I just guessed the answers on the rest. haha. Now all I have to do is wait for the results. Hopefully, I did well enough to pass. And if I do pass, the next thing I’d have to worry about is how to pay my tuition. *sigh…

Remember when I said I lost five kilos? Hehe… Well, I’m back to my normal weight. I don’t know how I did it but I managed to gain three kilos in one day. My best friend’s mom is such a great cook! I must have consumed half my own weight in food after Alexis‘ (my new goddaughter!) christening.

My favorite cousin might get married..by the end of the year. I think it’s okay. She’s turning twenty-four on the 21st and I think she’s responsible enough. She has a stable job, she seems to have most of her priorities straight, etc. Anyway, my point is, when we talked yesterday…on the way home, I realized that I didn’t even ask her if she loved the guy. Somehow that made me feel like I treated our conversation like a business venture or something. I’m a romantic, always have been but I guess things like marriage..I see them in a much more practical way. Or am I so cynical now that I didn’t even consider love? It really bothers me.

My sister and I are currently watching Season 3 of Felicity. Yay! I’m trying to keep my mind off Supernatural. Gaaaah! I’m so addicted to it. If you’re a fan too, please join Hunters Inc - make my day, say I referred you. Haha. Shameless plugs. Bear with me. I rarely get obsessed about TV shows. I am and will always be a book-over-movies-and-TV kind of girl.

First of all, I want to thank Vera for tagging my board! It’s been getting lonely. Chau, hehe. My private blog’s not up yet. I’m trying to decide whether to host it on my domain or find another host so that it’d be harder to trace. What do you guys think? Cherrie Asakura, thank you. That means a lot to me. Hey, maybe you could still take some computer courses? Even if it’s just for fun - if that’s something you really enjoy. Danna, Trixie and Vera, thank you! I still haven’t gone to the doctor but I’m back to my normal weight so..hehe. I’ll probably still have a check-up sometime this year though because the chest pains haven’t gone away completely. Luccia, wow, congratulations! I haven’t heard from you in a while. I’ve missed you… Amy, yay for another long comment! The Pursuit of Happyness: I actually didn’t notice the wrong spelling until after I saw the movie - I noticed it on the movie poster. haha! I don’t know how I missed it. Chette, thank you dear! Snez, yes, the world does work in strange ways. I try to gain weight but can’t. Pfft! Shelly, I lost 11 lbs., to be exact. Gaaaah! But I’m back to 48 Kg. *whew… I’ve always wanted to donate blood but I’m deathly afraid of needles and I’m anemic. I’ve tried iron supplements and it helps..but I’m still anemic. Haha! I know another Christina who’s a bit like Christina in Grey’s Anatomy. It’s definitely freaky. I like Preston and Christina’s relationship. Christina’s not into the mushy stuff but you can see that she really cares about Preston. It’s like those people who are so considerate of each other when they think no one’s watching (something Cher said about Dionne and Murry in Clueless).

Okay, that’s it for this blog! I’m off to watch Felicity with my sister.