Let the light pierce through the darkness Close all old accounts, turn a new leaf Re-learn that old lesson of friendship Kill nor be killed, settle for lessening Amidst us of this fossilized hatred
Transient Dreams
glimpses of life… silence and chaos; laughter and tears…
Perhaps that time has not come yet when our, Gods would listen to the beats in our hearts, peace and happiness spread their glow, perhaps we would have to force Mother Time?.
Heartache
There are things we regret - words we wish had gone unsaid, starts that had bitter endings, chances we threw away, roads we should have never taken, signs we didn’t see, hearts we hurt needlessly, and wounds we wish we could mend. But life gets that much harder, the past can’t be rewritten but it can make you stronger. Be thankful for every change life has thrown you, for every scar. Some pages were turned, some bridges were crossed, but you had lessons learned.
~Unknown
*sigh… It’s been a long week.
Wondering where I’ve been? 
hehe. I’ve been updating pages here and there. Mostly on Moonlight Reverie. And I’ve finally set up a new blog but it’s not going to be private. I’ll be co-authoring it with my best friend, Beh and my sister, Peewee. It started off as a “blog” just for me and Beh but my sister wanted to join in so… We’ll see. It’s basically just going to be “life lessons” ..things we’ve learned and stuff. Beh and I often have these convoluted conversations and we thought it’d be good to document them somehow. Then I got the chance to chat with an old high school friend of ours last night (or should I say, this morning?) and I realized that we might actually be able to help other people cope with problems or life in general just by sharing our thoughts.
So there… Why don’t you guys come and visit us at ANECDOTAGE? Feel free to leave a comment. Some of the pages aren’t finished yet - please bear with us. Things should pick up once my best friend and my sister start blogging too. Right now, there’s only one “real” post. Oh, and maybe you guys could suggest topics? Then one of us will share our thoughts and maybe give some advice or something like that.
I’m getting more and more anxious. I’m scared of not being able to go back to school - some people might say I don’t really need to go back… But I’m doing this for me. I need to do this for me. Nin told me that I need to be practical and I know he means well - he doesn’t want me to end up like his uncle who is now forty-years old and is still earning the salary of an entry-level employee. I told him that I just didn’t want to compromise myself. I want to do what I really love. Most of the people who’ve known me for more than five years have an idea of how practical I really am but if this is being impractical, then so be it. I’m not sure he truly understands how I feel. He says I just don’t want to take risks. But aren’t I already taking a risk? I could be working already..instead, I’m putting all of my efforts on another, completely different career. I feel like I’m finally taking a leap…like I’m finally doing something for myself.
I’ve just realized how people can change so much in such a short span of time. One of the guys I used to love - emphasis on used to - well..he’s not the person I thought he was. But then, neither am I. Anyway… I told him that I won’t let him cheat with me. He says that he tried to fight his feelings but I’m not sure he actually did. I kept pushing him away but he just kept on. I don’t know. It’s sad because we just became friends again. Now things are awkward again. I wish we could start with a clean slate. I really don’t want to get involved with him. I’ve been trying to avoid him. Believe me, it’s incredibly difficult. He comes over at our house all the time because he’s friends with my whole family. It’s hard to even dodge his phone calls because even if I tell everyone here to tell anyone who asks for me that I’m asleep, they call me when it’s him on the phone. Ack! I don’t want to see him right now. He wants to talk to “clarify things” but what else is there to talk about? The truth is, I don’t trust him now. I’m not sure if I can trust him again. He kissed me even when I tried to stop him. I reminded him that he has a girlfriend but he still tried to kiss me..AGAIN. That’s not all that happened but I won’t go into details. It was my fault too. I should’ve done my best to avoid him when he was here. Okay, we have a history. But cheating is cheating. There’s no excuse for it. And he wasn’t even drunk! I feel sorry for his girlfriend. What kills me is that I know I’ll never be able to see him as the good friend he once was to me. All he proved to me is that he is capable of cheating… Just like most of the guys I know. And in the end, that makes him just like them. He opened my eyes. He was never the guy for me.
Chau, oh, I haven’t tried that yet! BTW, I just read the email you sent me about the fanlisting - I’m sorry, I just haven’t had the time to work it out. Um, maybe you could help me with that? I’m not sure what to do. 
Regarding financial aid, I checked the scholarship grants offered by the college and I’m not eligible - they’re mostly for freshmen applicants. Oh, and I hope you’re right about my cousin! I’m still a bit worried. Snez, eep! You should have taken that four-leaf clover! I haven’t found a real one… Hmmn… I think I’ll include that in the things I want to do before I die - Find a four-leaf clover! Trixie, I’m not really sure about that. I used to say that I would never get married for reasons other than love but over the years, my opinion on marriage has changed a LOT. I’ve learned that love fades…and sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, it just isn’t enough. Cherrie Asakura, I didn’t see a leprechaun. Did you? Lucky you!! Oh, you should take those short courses at Informatics! I was planning to enroll there but my friends told me that a bachelor’s degree would be better if I really want to pursue a career in that field. Amy, thank you dear! Oh…I think I’ve been eating too much lately. I might be getting fat - haha. I dunno. I don’t want to make a habit of weighing myself because I don’t want to become obsessed about my weight or figure. 
And you’re right. I think my cousin and I think the same way about marriage so she probably didn’t think that. hehe. Felicity… Gaaah! I can’t wait to watch Season 4! Vera, thank you! haha, you’re right! My layout does match the occasion (St. Patrick’s Day)! Oh, you love J. R. R. Tolkien too? 
BTW, I’ll probably hold off on the private blog for a while but I’ll definitely let you know once it’s up!
15 Responses to “Heartache”
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Hey!! Thanks so much for filling out my survey, really means a lot! Really sorry I haven’t commented or been in touch recently, been so busy with Uni & different things. The new blog seems really interesting, I look forward to reading it
& good luck with the school stuff! You SHOULD do what you feel is right for you & I’m glad you’re doing just that 
YES! That quote is soooo true! Hehe…
Anyways, I’m sorry you had a long week… Hmm… But the new blog sounds good! I’d love to read that!
Good luck with the whole “going back to school” thing, Fatima! Yes, do it for yourself! *hugs*
Hmm, I’m sorry about the guy that you used to love… Wow… I really don’t know what to say about that… =/ Good luck trying to avoid him… =/ I don’t know what else to say…
Oh, and as for my fanlisting. I think I may know another way to do it… Just take out EVERY place that has my name in it, including what you’ve called the layout, the alts, etc, because I’ve heard that Google also looks through the HTML to index the sites, and not just the text on the site…
If that doesn’t work, then you can always do the meta tags, and robots.txt way, and I think I may have both of those tutorials on my site… But I think you should try the other way first…
Thank you soooooo much, Fatima, and I am soooo sorry for any inconviences!!!! *hugs*
Dear, you know you should do what you really want to do. I know you like computer stuff. Well, I’d say that you should pursue it. It’s really better to do something that you really like because if you’d just let others dictate to you what you have to do, you’d end up feeling sorry for yourself. And about that guy, you don’t have to blame yourself for that. You’ve been doing your best to distance yourself from him. It’s just that probably he thinks that you’re a challenging one so he doesn’t stop but don’t mind him. Why don’t you try to tell him that you want him to stop bugging you? Probably you just need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him regarding that matter. Hope it turns out well.
That’s a nice idea for a blog :).
You should really do what you really love and what you feel is best for you. You’re the one who knows yourself the best. There are times when you just have to listen to your own voice and not others’.
Take care, sweetie.
hmmm what do you mean you’re changing careers? You mean you’re going to take up another course? well i salute you for doing what you love.. and I hope that you will be successful in everything you love doing…
Its just my opinion but I say go back to school!!! You wont regret it, you’ll make a lot more money that way and I know people say money doesn’t buy happiness but thats a load of crap
I envy people who share blogs, a lot of times I wish I had someone else blogging on my site too but I don’t know who it’d be lol.
Hey you know what they say, a woman marries the first time for love and the second time for money LMAO!! If for some reason I ever did marry again I’d do it for the money, but I love my hubby and intend to be together till death.
I really like your idea of the Relationship Blog. Relationships are questionable and doubtful nowadays, and people forget hat the true meaning is. You do sound like you had a hard week. I hope it goes better for you
Man love sucks, I hate it. It should just go away.
But happy easter all the same. Love sucks.
Love can eat poo. Sorry about the kissy kissy guy, give him a bit of a slap and say “love sucks and so do you”.
There comes a time when we need to put all other things aside, and just do what’s best for us. Our friends and family will give us advice because they care…but sometimes we have to do what we think is best for ourselves, you know? I’m doing the same thing you are, changing career paths. It is a risk, but I guess sometimes we just have to do risky things to get what we want. We can’t always be safe and stay in the same place.
I’m really sorry about that guy who came back into your life. Seeing an old boyfriend is never easy…especially if things ended badly.
Maybe you should just tell him how you feel, if you haven’t already. He really should not be kissing you (especially when you tell him not to) when he has a girlfriend. It just seems like maybe he’s immature and doesn’t know how to control himself…or how to respect a girlfriend.
That quote is great! I wonder who said it!
That blog is a great idea! It’ll really help a lot of struggling teens out there. I think we need to be reminded that we’re not alone. So many teens are suffering and think it’s only them, but your blog will be a real help to them once it picks up.
As for suggestions, I think it would be neat if you guys had a hypothetical problem, and then wrote a solution to that problem? That would be pretty neat. Or you could talk about a problem one of you guys experienced and how you solved it or tried to solve it?
Sorry to hear you’re so anxious about leaving school. If you truly believe it’s the right decision then I think you should stick to it. Will you regret not going back to school? School isn’t the be all and end all though. There are so many opportunities out there for people who aren’t in school. And you can always go back too.
Oh that’s horrible that that guy kissed you.
Why are so many men cheaters? I recently discovered that a good friend of mine, a married guy, was flirting with this girl online. I can never look at him the same way anymore. And he always acted like such a virtuous guy. That’s awful that he put you in that position though. I think you need to talk to him and set things straight, even though you don’t want to.
The blog site sounds awesome. I’m going to have to start reading that. Cheating is one thing I frown upon, but I do know that people can change, in almost a split second. I’ve changed a lot this year, some things I’m proud of and other I’m not. We used to have a HUGE patch of four leaf clovers in our yard, which you reminded me off. Maybe I should go look for some later.
“I’ve just realized how people can change so much in such a short span of time”
yeah.. me too, i just realized that too. hhmm.. it’s really weird that after a short time my friends have changed, i have changed. hhmm… but though changes happen, it’s still for the best, ^__^ so anyway, you have a lot of projects, eh? goodluck with them!
Actually no, for textlinkads I don’t think you need paypal. They can pay you that way, but they will also send you a check once you make $25. You should definetly look into it. And if you do decide to join you should use the link on my site to help me out :D And you will need to be patient as well because it takes them a few months to actually put a link up on your site.
Have fun with your ANECDOTAGE site. I once had a page on my site set up like a blog where I would just write about things I learned that day but then I stopped writing in it so I got rid of it lol.
That sucks that that guy is cheating on his g/f with you. Cheaters suck. If he likes you why is he even with the other girl. Even if you won’t date him, he obviously doesn’t care too much for his g/f.
hi fatima
just checking in. didn’t really get to read this entry. nakakrelate ako sa entry mo — not that i’m seeing an ex, but because i’m in a relationship na sobrang labo na. i hope you end things with that guy and that he never comes back.
i love the quote you posted at the beginning
i can definitely relate to that.
anyway, hope you had a Happy Easter
God bless.
ai~
amaranthine*PLUGS
http://amaranthine.tfcph.com/
OMG! you’re the owner of Lee Dae Hae fanlisting? hehe I am so gladddd that you accepted my affiliation with the fanlisting hehe