I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be… But most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.

~Unknown

Yay! No need for surgery!

I wasn’t able to go to the doctor the day I said I was supposed to but I finally went to the hospital yesterday. My doctor is supposed to be really good. He gave me a medical certificate for school so I can claim my I.D. but I still need to get an x-ray of my whole spine so he can measure the angle of my scoliosis. After that I’ll have to go for yearly check-ups to monitor the progression (if any) of the curve. He told me that it’s not expected to get worse because I’ve reached bone maturity. I really hope that it won’t. I practice proper posture but the curve will always be there unless I have surgery…but I *really* don’t want to have surgery. I’d be happy to have physical therapy sessions everyday or at least every week if it’d help my back.

School starts tomorrow! Waaaaaaaaaah! I’m nervous. I have a class in one of the buildings where there’s a different dress code and I have no idea if I have to follow it. I think I remember the orienter saying that if you’re only taking a minor course there and you’re part of another college (I’m in the School of Design and Arts, the building is for the School of Hotel, Restaurant and Institution Management). I’ll have to ask my friend (I’ve texted her a few times but she still hasn’t replied) or my old dormmate about this.

I bought some new books the other day (AGAIN). And I still have two books reserved at Powerbooks. Here’s what I got: Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, and the Marriage Mystique by Jaclyn Geller (“I am, as they say, happily married–but after reading this excellent exposé of the marriage mystique, I can’t say I’m proud of my status. Jaclyn Geller reveals all the privileges that wedlock confers–and all the penalties for remaining unwed. This is an eye-opening book that will forever change the way you look at diamond rings, registries, wedding invitations . . . and marriage itself.” ~Leora Tanenbaum, author, Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation - Isn’t that intriguing?), The Golden City by Catherine Nicolson (tagline: “Her dream was to change the world.” - it was enough to make me pick up the book) and How Animals Mate by Daniel Mueller (I’ve heard about this book and seen it on various bookshelves so many times that I decided it was time to pick it up and get a copy for myself).

Amy, I’d probably still have a few private entries that won’t be accessible to anyone because some things are just too personal to share. I suppose I’m doing it because I need to start opening up to others and this is the first step. I usually keep things to myself and I know that’s not healthy. ♥ We share the same dream! Books are lovely and I’d love to have my own HUGE library too..someday. ♥ Thank you for including me in your prayers..it really means a lot to me. Shari, thank you! ♥ Awfully awful? *gulp* What happened? - if you don’t mind telling me - Gaaaah…doctors are scary. And the stuff my best friend tells me about what really goes on in hospitals always make me think twice about trusting them with my life. ♥ Yes, I really believe that. Books are an investment. That’s why I never regret it when I buy a new book even though my love for the written word sometimes leaves me broke. ♥ Friends. I guess it’s just really hard to trust someone? And I think I’m really good at burning bridges because…well, it’s probably self-preservation. I believe that when you love or trust someone, you automatically give them the right to hurt you. So I just stop. I know some of them hurt me unintentionally but that somehow makes it worse. Because they do care. That’s why enemies are easier to have - you don’t expect them to betray you because you never trusted them to begin with. ♥ haha! Mainstream = BAD. I have a real aversion to conformity. Monica, Sandra Oh is such a great actress! The role of Cristina Yang is perfect for her. ♥ I got the smilies from Rebellion but the site is now offline. But I could send you the smiley pack if you like. Anna, you are NOT a loser! It’s hard enough to keep up with ONE blog but two? eep! But I felt like I needed to do it. Let’s just hope I don’t end up neglecting it. ♥ The trip to the doctor wasn’t as bad as I thought. *whew. ♥ I moleskine! I’d like to buy an 18 month diary but it’s not available from the online store I buy from yet. It’s much cheaper to buy online than in the regular bookstores. I got them for only half the regular price. ♥ Weeeeeee! Yay! Thank you for visiting the Midheaven Archives. I wasn’t sure anyone would even want to visit it. I hope you’ll keep visiting..I still have hundreds more to add! ♥ I was really worried I wouldn’t make friends at the orientation. Good thing I saw my old dormmate before it started. She even introduced me to her batchmates from our old school. ♥ Yes, Grey’s Anatomy is definitely worth the wait! Carrie Szczepanski, I think I’ve only seen Smallville once or twice..but I never got to finish either of the episodes. I think I was hooked on another series at the time? Simply Precious, *poke* Thank you hun! Julie, thank you! Denise, LOL. I wasn’t that dressed up. haha. But he gave me the medical certificate so…yay for me! ♥ And yay for books! Anna, I’ve always wanted to read one of Haruki Murakami’s novels but I never get around to buying one. Gaaaaah! Thank you for the suggestion - now I’m really going to buy one! ♥ Oh! You should get a Moleskine notebook too! There are a lot of online stores selling them - all over the world. Emz, thank you so much! I’m glad somebody really enjoys reading my blogs. ♥ Hmmn..I’ve moved around some of the codes, hopefully that will help with faster loading time. *grins* ♥ Scoliosis is a condition that involves complex lateral and rotational curvature and deformity of the spine. Dextroscoliosis is a scoliosis with the convexity on the right side. My condition is not severe so it doesn’t require surgery but if I wanted to get rid of the curve, surgery is the only real solution. ♥ My uncle will be putting together my new bookshelf today! Yay! Tee, I thought of using one of those plugins but I figured it’d be better to just set up my private blog somewhere else. That way, regular visitors would always see the public entries. Brenda, “Don’t let anyone hold your happiness in their hands. Hold it in yours so it will always be within your reach. STAY HAPPY…it’s not merely an emotion..it’s a CHOICE!” ♥ Thank you for voting for my blog! I really appreciate it! Trixie, that was wonderful of you…I find it so hard to let go of any of my books - even the ones I rarely read - but I’m going to start collecting extra copies of my favorites for donations and hopefully, other people will discover how wonderful they are. Kimberly, thank you! ♥ I hope your friends and classmates respect your privacy! They should know that reading your blog against your wishes is an invasion of privacy. Fruity, thank you for linking me! *hugs* ♥ I know what you mean… I hope I’ll still be able to keep up with both of my blogs once school starts. I’ll probably only blog here at TD if I get too busy. Kelly, oh, that was the two-part episode right?! “The End of the World (As We Know It)” - we loved it…but it was really sad. I could never get over the scene where the bomb squad member blew up after the bomb was removed.

Sometimes you have to put walls up… Not to keep people out..but to see who cares enough to break them down.

~Unknown

Oh, and just in case you’re wondering, I got the title of this blog entry from one of the books mentioned above (the one about marriage) - it was published by Four Walls Eight Windows in the U.S. - my room has four walls and two windows. Go figure.

I think of life as a good book. The further you get into it, the more it begins to make sense.

~Harold Kushner

22 May 2007, Tuesday. Let’s just say I had a really good day.

My private blog is now up! You can request for the password by commenting on this entry or by using this contact form. (*Note: It’s the same password I use for the password-protected entries in this blog.) If you only know me online, chances are I will give you the password - provided that I can verify your identity. If for any reason I decide not to give you the password, don’t feel blue. I’ll probably talk about the same things, just with added details and insight. Basically it’d be me analyzing my own thoughts and actions. Yes, yes, it might get quite boring after a few paragraphs. hehe.

Hmmn… Life… I feel pretty optimistic right now. Even happy.

Maybe things will start getting better. It just feels that way. I feel good…about my life, school, practically everything! I just feel like I’m getting back on the right track.

Anyway, I’m all dressed up for a visit to the doctor. The university doctor told me to see a Rehabilitation Medicine Specialist regarding my dextroscoliosis and activity limitations due to it. If I don’t, she won’t sign my enrollment clearance form and I won’t be able to get my I.D… I’m afraid that the doctor will tell me that I need bracing or worse..surgery.

I knew I forgot to post about something in my last entry! *sweatdrop* I attended the school orientation for transferees yesterday. It was mostly okay. Even fun. I met some really nice *ahem* people. Read my private entry for more details.

I’ve purchased a few Moleskine notebooks - I’m thinking of using them for school (the first term starts on Monday!). They really do seem to inspire creativity. But the mere mention of Moleskine always leaves me craving for milk and cookies (a kilo of it?!), possibly because of this story (Of Cookies and Milk). Double chocolate chip cookies, please! And maybe some brownies too?

I have some new *preloved* books. See why the Midheaven Archives is never going to get finished? I just keep acquiring new books. It’s crazy. Well, I’m crazy. And obsessed. Yes, I have an almost unhealthy obsession with books. But like Jay (a very nice lady I met on eBay.ph) always says, “you can never have too many books.” Almost every inch of free space in my bedroom is covered with books. It’s lovely. LOL. And I’m getting a new bookshelf today! I’m hoping that it’ll help me get my room and my stuff back to its brilliant state of “organized clutter.”

You cannot open a book without learning something.

~Confucius

Carrie Szczepanski, yes, I had a wonderful time! Thank you! We might get together again this week before Je goes back to the U.S. *crosses fingers* Simply Precious, hihi, thank you! Denise, haha..yes, I was looking for skeletons in the closet. LOL. Yay for Neil Gaiman fans! Shari, I think that’s the beauty of keeping a blog (whether online or offline). You can always look back and see yourself months or even years before. I think it’s much more believable because everything is written in your own perspective. It’s one of the reasons I really love blogging. I know what you mean about keeping old friends… I’m not really good at it. In fact, a really good friend of mine (one of the best ever) once told me that I keep burning bridges. Sadly, I’m much, much better at that than making friends. That friend..well, I haven’t talked to him for months now. I miss him terribly but…life always gets in the way. Or I let Life get in the way. Same difference. Love…I can never really say much about it that would do the word justice. Love…just is. Emma, I think that’s one of the worst things that can happen to friends but you can’t really help it. Trixie, “We’ve been close but people grow…and they sometimes grow apart.” ♪ Break It To Me Gently by Angela Bofill ♪ Oooh! You should watch Grey’s Anatomy. It’s great! MissScareAll, sometimes I wish things could stay the same… But it never really happens. The best thing you can hope for is to grow with them. It’s sad when old friends don’t stay friends. Monica, yay! A fellow Bones fan!

About Grey’s Anatomy, I posted this at a forum a few weeks ago:

hmmn… I understand. I felt the same way about Dan Brown when everybody started reading his novels. But my reasons for watching Grey’s Anatomy (which are only known to two of my friends and are too long and difficult to post here - because most of you will probably misunderstand unless you know how my mind works and what makes me tick) are not the same as most people (well, except for a few things..like Patrick Dempsey and Eric Dane - I have to admit that I like them - and Kate Walsh whom I admire because she’s a great actress). I actually stayed away from the show at first because of the hype. You know how I feel about “conformity / the bandwagon effect” - it’s like when I fall in love with a song way before anyone else discovers it..after a few weeks or months, it becomes mainstream then I suddenly hate it. I only started watching Grey’s Anatomy to see if the medical facts were accurate (as most medicine-related shows/movies are known for misleading their audiences) but my opinion of it has changed a lot since then..I’m not ashamed to say that I love it now. Okay, I’ll tell you one reason I love it - It tells me a lot about people. Not just from the characters’ personalities/actions/etc. but the people who watch it too. I like analyzing people’s behavior (that’s why I took up Psychology in the first place)..I analyze, reanalyze then over-analyze. Why? Because it’s fun. At least for me. And it prevents me from becoming a real misanthropist.

In reply to this:

as for me watching an episode, no. i haven’t watched, nor have any plans on doing so. i may be judgmental, but sorry, i don’t want to be placed in the same category of people who do/see/watch things because it’s the “in” thing (LOL remember The Da Vinci Code).

hype really does wonders, especially when it comes from the fat ass of American capitalism.

if my post above and this one offends the fans, sorry. you know how i am (most especially you non; you should’ve known better than ask me “have you watched an episode” that’s a little tantamount to “hey, wtf is your problem?” thing). if you like, i’ll ask the admins if my post is spam or detrimental to discussion and if they are to remove them, but i myself will not do so.

i hope you guys (non not included; she’s obviously in an intellectual level higher than most idiots) find something under the hype.

i have no further comment.

I’m Non by the way. It’s what my closest friends and relatives call me.

Lastly, I came across a really nice quote and I just had to share it:

You must know that in any moment a decision you make can change the course of your life forever: the very next person stand behind in line or sit next to on an airplane, the very next phone call you make or receive, the very next movie you see or book you read or page you turn could be the one single thing that causes the floodgates to open, and all of the things that you’ve been waiting for to fall into place.

~Anthony Robbins