“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world. Someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ~Tom Bodett

It’s been hard settling back into my old routine. I miss Jim more than ever and it’s making me a bit loopy. Even Sammy is sad! Seriously. He follows me around and looks at me with sad eyes… He really liked Jim — I have a feeling that if Jim had stayed a little bit longer, Sammy would definitely like him better than me. haha.

I wish I could have introduced him to some of my friends but everyone was so busy. Hopefully, M-Rize, Jen and Paolo (at least) would be available the next time Jim comes to visit.

Speaking of friends, I’m going to see my Psych blockmates this Friday. Jen is taking care of all the details. I just really need to see my (college) friends — especially now that I’ve decided to go back to Psychology (more on this towards the end of the post). I haven’t seen them since graduation (October 2006). Gaaah! I am so glad to have finally turned 21. I think my mom has finally realized that she has to let me grow up sometime. The way my whole family has been so protective of me all these years – never letting me go anywhere unless someone drives me – really hasn’t helped my sense of direction. Imagine, I still get lost in the city I’ve lived in for the past 12 years!

I’m also planning to have lunch with Yeyers and Mica sometime next week. haha. Those two are crazy. They’ve been spreading rumors about why I went on LOA and I don’t know how many people actually believed them. I’m hoping Ice managed to save my reputation. LOL.

Hmmn… More about friends. I used to dislike social networking websites and told myself I’d never sign up for any of them but then my friends started to move away / migrate, one at a time and they badgered me to sign up so we could keep in touch (I signed up for a Friendster account for my high school friends then a Facebook account for Jazel). For the past few days, I’ve been talking to a lot of old friends, catching up. Almost all of my high school batchmates have graduated and they’re all pretty excited about working. Then just a few hours ago, I talked to a friend from elementary (on Facebook) whom I haven’t seen for 12 years and she told me that she still had these stickers I gave her back then. hahaha. I can’t believe it! And I can’t believe she still remembers me. LOL. Oh, and she told me that she’s 4 months pregnant — she’s having a baby boy.

Other exciting news! I’ve started looking for a job. I mean, I work for my dad and all but I want a “real” job with a “real” salary. LOL. I found one I like near the building where my sister works and it would be incredibly convenient if I got it. Wish me luck! I really, really want this job. Yes, that means I’m going to pursue a career in Psychology. My mom asked me, “If you could, would you go back to school?” I told her, “No. I am just so ready to start working (and I am so tired of studying).” As for art… Well, like everyone says, I’ll always have my art — wherever I am, whatever I’m doing. I’ve already packed up my art supplies and brought out my Psych books. I left a few boards and sketchpads out because I want to make something for Jim (hopefully, I’ll be able to finish something before his next visit) AND my Tito Mao (aka Tito Mao) asked me to draw his portrait.

Oh, and before I forget! I have a new hostee! Please welcome Kinza to the Midheaven Family!

Now I need to go. My cousin Clarenz is coming over in a little while (all the way from another city, about two hours away) so I can help him with his Statistics homework and I need to get some stuff done before he gets here.

“When you were around I had a sense of security in feeling that I could just pick up the telephone and talk with you. I know now that I miss you as one who has lost his sight will always miss the light. So I now feel this overwhelming sense of loss.” ~Luis Asperri, My Brother, My Executioner by F. Sionil José

I had a wonderful week with Jim. I am trying my best not to be sad.

After we dropped him off at the airport yesterday, I tried not to think about him and took a nap in the car. When we got home, I went straight to my room and wrote him an email. I missed him so much. I didn’t want to stay home so I went to church with my mom and my brother then to Shangri-La. I sat in the car, thinking about how just a few hours ago, he was right there beside me, holding my hand. When we got to Shang, I thought I saw a glimpse of him..crazy, right? I almost laughed. We met up with my sister then ate McDonald’s on the way home. Gaaah… I missed him even more. I would give anything just to be near him again.

Today was the first day I woke up knowing that I wouldn’t be able to see him, talk to him, touch him…at least not for a few months. I miss his smile, his voice, his laugh… I miss looking into his eyes… He makes me feel so at peace. I can’t remember feeling so happy…

I am hoping that the next months will fly by… I can’t wait to see him again.

*sigh…

I finally completed the 101 Things About Me challenge!

Yesterday was one of those days when I wonder why anyone would want to have kids (don’t get me wrong, please refer to #67 on my 101 Things list).¹

I went to visit my cousin Benette at the hospital with my mom and my seven-year-old cousin Chestnut (Benette’s sister). On the way there, my mom told us that we’d be stopping by McDonald’s because Bennyppe wanted chicken nuggets. She asked Chestnut what she wanted. Oh, and of course she decided to be a brat again! My mom always tells us that me and my siblings were never like that — see, we had loving grandparents but they NEVER tolerated bratty behavior. Si Chestnut, walang pinipiling oras o lugar! (rough English translation: “Chestnut doesn’t pick a proper time or place! / Chestnut’s impolite to EVERYONE when she feels like it!”).

When we got home, I was incredibly tired. I literally couldn’t open my eyes — I was that sleepy. And it was only half past seven. I was looking forward to being able to sleep through the night (something I haven’t been able to do for the past year). Of course I couldn’t go to bed yet because I promised Chestnut that I’d let her play on my laptop for a while. We had an agreement that she’d stop playing the minute I told her it was time for bed — and she did! But the minute she laid her head on the pillow, she started sobbing. She kept me up half the night! She wouldn’t even tell me what was wrong! I was sorely tempted to just turn my back on her and cover my ears but I love kids and can’t stand seeing them cry. I just kept on hugging her and patting her back. She got all sweaty so I got up and tried to find her another shirt — she didn’t bring that many clothes when she decided to sleep over a few days ago so I had to find one of mine that was small enough so it wouldn’t fall off. I couldn’t find one in my closest so I started to make for the door to go up to the attic because I remembered my other cousin left some clothes here when she spent her vacation with us. Right when I was about to open the door, she spoke up and told me that she was crying because she couldn’t find her favorite game. Of course I knew she was just being manipulative. I have been around kids all my life — with personal experience, the things I’ve learned from Developmental Psychology and Child Psychology, and the fact that I was their age once upon a time, I know how their minds work. Let me tell you, SHE IS THE BIGGEST BRAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN!

I honestly don’t mean to disparage my aunt and uncle’s parenting skills — hey, we’re talking about my favorite uncle here! I, for one, think that my uncle is the best dad ever. He was one of the people who took care of me while I was growing up and I know I turned out okay.

Please take note that I said, “manipulative brat.” This does not apply to ALL kids. Most kids can be reasoned with and would actually be willing to cooperate as long as you remain kind and gentle.

• Recognize manipulative behavior.
  It might be a good idea to look at yourself first. Is there anything you resort to doing just to get what you want? Kids usually resort to crying when they can’t get what they want (and adults have been known to do it too) — that’s the number one manipulative behavior.
• Do not underestimate them.
  You’ve seen how fast kids grow up these days. You’ve noticed how they already know things we had no idea of when we were at that age. So don’t ever underestimate the workings of their minds. You think they don’t understand but oh, they do! They know how to pull your strings and get you to do what they want, especially when they know you love them.
• Do not overestimate them either.
  As much as kids are able to understand these days, you have to spell out exactly what they did wrong. Tell them that their actions have consequences. Tell them that they hurt you when they act bratty — if you have set a good example and have shown them the value of non-material things such as love, they would go out of their way to please you.
• Show them who’s boss!
  If they start crying, let them! Do NOT let them get their way. They are just trying to manipulate you to get what they want. You have to set rules and boundaries or they WILL just find new ways to torture you.
• Employ diversionary tactics.
  Yes, kids can be successful at manipulation but adults can be even better, simply because they know more. Kids have low attention spans, that’s a fact. So find something else to keep them busy and slyly get yourself out of an undesirable situation.
• If all else fails, compromise.
  You will live to fight for another day!

But whatever you do, don’t ever resort to physical punishment. Children thrive in loving environments. Most of the time, they are just calling for attention. The best way to prevent a child from becoming a brat is to spend quality time with them.

And brattishness aside, I really do love Chestnut.

You know, even though I know all these things, it doesn’t make me any less afraid of having kids. I often ask my mom what her secret is, how she raised me and my siblings to become good people. I wonder if I would be able to do the same.